Season 6, Episode 9: We Need to Talk About Kevin.

Ahhh! Season 6! Is that you? You snuck up me so quietly and boringly for the first few episodes that I totally wasn’t prepared for all the Big Things that happened in this one. You’ve got to be more careful when you do things all sudden-like. I totally almost stabbed you with this tricked out broom handle.

Father Abraham Had 7 Sons

7 sons had father Abraham. And they never laughed (ha!) And they never cried (boo!) All they did was go like this:

Peggy Olson Had 2 Dads

And she’s used to being their favorite child, but they both put her in unfair positions and then left her feeling alone and rejected this week. The show has never really addressed it, but I think it’s worth noting that Peggy’s actual father died when she was relatively young, leaving her in the care of an overprotective, conservative mother. Does her uncertainty about what she needs from other male role models in her life stem from her lack of a father figure in her formative years? And if so, is this confusion of sexual desire with parental approval a factor in her intangible kindred-spirit-ship with Don? (“Why is sex the definition of being close to someone?”)

Bobby Draper Had 4 Parents

And he seems to genuinely like them all. Poor kid’s gonna have some issues when he gets old enough to understand the whole picture a little better, but he seems pretty happy for now, so good on him.

Don Draper Had 3 Wives

Not all at the same time, but, ya know. And the one he had the most meaningful, honest connection with was the one with whom he was never physically or romantically intimate. Hm.

I find myself thinking about Season 1’s Kodak Carousel presentation pretty often when dissecting newer episodes. So much on this show is about nostalgia for a past that didn’t really exist the way you remember it. Don and Betty are both perfectly aware that the good moments of their marriage were few and far between, but there were enough of them to reminisce about. We’ve all been there; having a momentary set-back in which we miss a relationship that we know was ultamately damaging, but it takes exceptional screenwriting and acting talent to bring the audience there with the characters. I distinctly remembering the violent hatred I had for Don’s treatment of Betty when they were married, and yet when they were sitting there on those cabin steps I was aching for them to kiss like it was the last scene of a Meg Ryan movie. I’m not proud of it, but I was.

Roger Sterling Had 1 Grandson Who Is Older Than His Son

Seriously. Take a minute and wrap your head around that. I can’t wait for the episode of the super trashy 80’s spin-off when the two little Sterlings both fall in love with Tammy Campbell and fight it out, not realizing their relationship to each other.

Also, to everyone who wasn’t convinced that Kevin was Roger’s biological son, do you believe me now?

Joan Harris Had 1 Husband, 1 Baby-Daddy, and Bob

I forget: Are Joan and The Rapist Greg divorced or what? I was surprised to hear her say that she’s raising her son to think his father is a war hero. That’s a lie in so many ways it just doesn’t even seem worth it. Also, are she and Bob, like, dating now? There’s been some rumblings around the internet that he might be gay. I don’t think so, but if he is, Joan knows it. This is a woman you can’t fool. If he’s using her a beard, she’s in on it, and getting at least as much out of the bargain as he is. What I want to know is how did they get to the point in their relationship where they’re spending weekends at the beach together? Are they friends? Lovers? Something in between? I love the way the show makes you feel like you’ve missed something. Only AMC has the cojones to take a potentially alientating approach like that.

Sterling-Cooper-Cutler-Gleason-Chaeiouyghugh-Harris-Campbell-Krane-Draper-Pryce Had Too Many Partners

Although as Pete Campbell’s Bitchface so tactfully noted, “two of those men are as dead as door nails.” Is that how they’re going to sort out the name, direction, and organization of their new agency? Cage-fight to the death? It would certainly be fun to watch. We haven’t seen fisticuffs in quite awhile. Plus, anything’s got to be a more solid career move than whining to Duck. How did he end up a head-hunter anyway? Does anyone take him seriously?

 

As a concluding thought, a quick piece of advice to all the gentlemen reading this: If you kiss a girl and she asks, “What are you doing?” the correct answer is, “Waiting for you to tell me to stop.”

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